“What was that noise?” I ask, waking up from a deep sleep to crashing and clunking sounds.
“Is someone in our apartment?” inquires Jonathan, after I emerge from the bed.
Walking into the living room I see two bright, beady eyes glaring up at me from atop the entertainment center. A sleek, slender, black form hops down and scampers away to hide under the couch.
“SALEM!” I exclaim, probably louder than I should for 2 AM. As I walk back to bed I tell Jonathan Salem just “knocked over every DVD and Blu-Ray on the top shelf of the stand.”
“Mmmhmmgggg…” he replies, and we go back to bed.
“What was that noise?” I cry, terried that someone had just smashed in the front window and broken into our apartment. Slowly, I peer around the corner into the kitchen and see a sleek, slender black form fly by my feet, into the bedroom, and under the bed. I stop. Stare. On the floor lays the broken remnants of a ceramic bowl from our fancy dinnerware, the top of a glass goblet, 3 pieces of a pint glass, and litle tiny bits of food and wine strewn everywhere across the kitchen. Disheartened, I gather a broom and dustpan and plenty of swiffer refills and start to clean.
“What was that noise?” we both yell.
*THUMP, thump thump, CLANG, swish, THUMP, clatter clatter clatter*
“What the hell is she doing?” I try to ask as we see a sleek, slender black form leaping and bounding up and down on top of our feet, hunting her prey.
“What is going on?” Jonathan exclaims, as the same thumping and clanging is occurring on our comforter again.
“Salem is just hunting our toes, that is all,” I sigh as I try to get back into any semblance of slumber.
“Salem, get off the table while we are eating!!”
“Salem, move! We cannot watch American Horror Story with your whole body in front of the TV!!”
“If you do not stop eating our avocaods, I will kill you, Salem!!”
“This paper is due in one hour and I still have two pages left! MOVE SALEM!!”
“Fine, stay out there! If you want to run outside every time we open the door you can just live OUTSIDE!”
“I literally fed you 5 minutes ago with a full cup of food. You are not on the brink of starvation so please stop whining!”
“This is vegan mayonaise, Salem. VEGAN! You are a carnivore! Eat your meaty food and leave us alone!”
“If you do not stop eating all of our house plants, I will gladly give you to the neighbors. They have 5 young children that would love to make you into a toy doll!”
You may recognize these scenarios. You probably have exclaimed similar sentiments before. I want you to take one guess as to who Salem is….
A cat. Obviously. Typical feline behavior, yet it never fails to surprise. Our little tiny black cat Salem terrorizes us on a daily basis. Make that HOURLY basis. If she is not getting into trouble she is WHIZZING and ZOOMING with her claws out across the carpet, sounding like a stampede of angry elephants. Yetwe have not killed her…………
I would not trade her for anything, but stories like these make me loathe and abhor her more than Lil Kim hates Nicki Minaj.
This is my life. If you were to be a fly on my walls you would surely hear me either yelling and screaming at my cat that she is “the devil and satain incarnate and she should die in the fiery pits of hell,” or gently massaging her fur and telling her she is “the prettiest cat in the whole world and so loving and gentle and sweet.”
This post has been part of a blogging challenge group!
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